Inner Strength

Got some? I need some.

Lately I’ve been going through some mega life changes and I’ve been searching within to find my core strength. Strength, I know you’re in there, get your lazy ass out and come help me. One of my biggest fears about leaving my current job and starting my own business is that I won’t be strong enough to have what it takes. I’m afraid I won’t be able to take care of myself (financially and emotionally) when times get tough.

I’d like to think of myself as a confident, independent woman. But every 28 days once in a while I get hit with this sadness/fear. I’ve been known to emotionally eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, drown in my blanket, and watch Stepmom with the specific intent of crying. Yeah, I’m not a mess.

During these times I picture the worst-of-the-worst possible outcomes when I finally leave my job. Like that scene in Look Who’s Talking when Kirstie Alley has like 10 kids hanging off of her, with a jobless hubby, smoking and feeding them beans. (btw, I tried to find a picture of this as I was unsure of my memory, but only got distracted by several John Travolta videos on youtube. red flag?). Ok, seriously now…

My worst fears about making the jump:

  • Not being able to make enough money $$$$$
  • Having no one around to help me up if I fall
  • Getting stuck and not knowing how to motivate myself/defunkify those moods
  • Having scary people pound down my door demanding rent checks
  • Failing. Period.
  • Having to get another corporate job…please god no
  • Deciding the thing I thought I wanted to do was not in fact as satisfying as it was in my head
  • …or being completely successful in my dream job and then, still feeling unsatisfied (I am guilty of fantasizing for the escape, when this becomes a reality, what will I really have to face?)
  • Living in a van down by the river
  • Becoming a fat hermit who eventually has an apartment fit for Hoarders
  • Becoming a hard, aggressive business woman who can never turn business ‘off’ and eventually loses her feminine energy
  • Some emergency will happen, and I will all the sudden need, like $40k, and panic will ensue
  • I haven’t the slightest idea how to get my own healthcare (and other scary logistics that overwhelm me)

There are more but that’s enough for now.

While finding strength is an ongoing process for me, I do have a little checklist of things that tend to help. Here is my current “grow some balls” list:

1)   Fake it till you make it

Even when you aren’t truly feeling it, when you pretend to be strong and confident in front of others, it can reinforce your own internal confidence and push you over your hesitations. This is also a time when I tend to make myself over on the outside (fresh hair cuts, mani/pedis, waxing, a new sweater, etc.). Any little thing that you can grab onto that will serve as a pick-me-up will help.

2)   See you on the other side

Think about something difficult you’ve overcome in the past and remind yourself that you made it to the other side. This will happen again and again for you, because when faced with real challenges, you break them down and solve them.

3)   This too shall pass

My good friend and mentor always reminds me that “this too shall pass”. It helps to take a deep breath and sigh when I feel like my gusto has been deflated.

4)   Tap into the universe

As a child from hippie roots, and now a wannabe Californian, I am starting to really believe in the power of this universe. If you throw something out there, and you work hard enough for it, things will align for you. This isn’t always the most settling of answers, but it does provide me with a sense of relief when I feel alone. (sidebar – this notion was totally reinforced through the Artist’s Way for me, which I highly recommend).

5)  Could be worse?

Uhhh, I couldn’t think of a real #5. I wanted to write “go on facebook and see how much better you’re doing than some of your washed up friends from high school” but then I didn’t, because that would be mean. And I would never do such a thing to feel better about myself! 😯 And karma would make me one of those people someday. And this is why I have problems. redface

Sometimes the list helps, but it never provides me with a 100% success rate. Any suggestions?

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6 Comments

  1. Bon

     /  February 1, 2012

    I heart this post. Defunkify will now be added to my vernacular.

    Reply
  2. Supports are us

     /  February 2, 2012

    As one of my favorite quotes says “courage is the discovery that you may not win and trying when u know u can lose”. If you never try things will never change so you plan and execute the best u can and if u planned right you will succeed but there will always be risk and if everything in life was easy everyone would be a success story. So to be the best mitigate the risk as best as possible but at some point you just have to go for it

    Reply
    • Danielle

       /  February 2, 2012

      Thank you! I like that quote a lot.

      PS – I have no idea why wordpress is dishing out grumpy avatars!

      Reply
  3. Cray as the day

     /  February 5, 2012

    To compliment supports are us I have a favorite quote that is similiar and I find very inspiring. “Your chance of success in any undertaking is directly proportional to your belief in yourself”, Robert Collier

    Reply

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